To Do List

Going through my last few posts, I realised the ranting and wallowing in self pity had been done to death. I'm pretty certain my low spirits rubbed on to any unsuspecting reader who have chanced upon the blog. I will refund you for the Prosaic, dear reader. But for now, I'm hoping to make it up to you with a brighter, hopefully fun-ner post. Deal? ok

First of all, let me tell you I am a complete list addict ie to say I LOVE making lists. From shopping to daily appointments, to the things I eat each day, I like making lists of all kings.

Today I'm going to let you guys in on a guilty secret: a list that I've been compiling for quite a few years and which I keep editing from time to time. I call this list my To Do List. Here goes:

To Do List

1. Brad Pitt
2. George Clooney
3. Bradley Cooper
4. Mathew Mcconaughey
5. Johnny Depp
6. Hugh Jackman
7. Gail Garcia Bernal
8. Gerard Butler
9. Clive Owen
10. Jude Law
11. Colin Farrell
12. Farhan Akhtar

Would you believe it... I cant think of another name to add to this list. Where have all the hot men gone??

Anyhoe, I shall add more to the list as and when I think of someone new.

Also, there's an I-Wish-To-Do-But-Never-Can list coming up soon. (before you raise your eyebrows, this simply refers to people who are either a) dead b) yesteryear hotties who are now in their 80s, c) book/film characters.

Till then... so long and thanks for all the fish!

Ranting..what else

This post is just to get somethings off of my chest. Things that are eating me up and driving me dangerously close to murder.

I feel used and humiliated and what makes me truly sick is that fact that my tormentors are certified losers who have nothing even remotely resembling an identity in this world. They are mediocre and pathetic and quite frankly, will go on living the rest of their dreary lives stuck in the same rut, not knowing any better.

You may have guessed and quite rightly...that this has to do with work. I'm upto my ears in their sneakiness and scared that my head might open any moment.

I'm this close to reaching for a cigarette.

I won't go over the same reasons why I'm subjecting myself to this, simply because I've already laid it threadbare once too many times and frankly, I cant be arsed to go over them again.

But, I do think that we all need to 'do our time' at some point in our lives...to you know, balance out the karma and all. This is my time in the slammer. I'll get out eventually, because everyone does. But until then I only have Dexter for relief.

And http://wellhellotherelover.blogspot.com

And YouTube

And Baskin Robbins Bavarian chocolate with marshmellows

And waking up with the Neph's mini arms around my neck

And knowing that despite all that you and I have been through and the fact that even on that front I feel defeated right now, there is love there. Somewhere.

Take that bitches.

Why is it that you never do the things that I tell you to do and want you to do, but do the things that I tell you to do but dont want you to do?

Like right now. I wish you you wouldn't do what I asked you to do.

Also, its a bit ridiculous that even after all this time, you cant pick up on the cues.

Why you shouldn't have your mom, colleagues, older relatives on your FB friendlist...

The reasons are many and all highly obvious: a) Privacy, b) protecting their innocent ignorance of your ahem.. indiscretions, c) privacy.. yada yada yada and so on and so forth

Today I was in a particularly ranty mood and came up with a singularly profound question 'what happens after the s*** hits the roof? Does it come back down and fall all over you' and promptly posted it as my Fb status message. This was followed by a couple of random comments from cousin C and nephew G. And then, a more concerned inquiry from my mother about what was bothering me. Now, dont get me wrong...I know its a public forum and if I post arbit messages, they will be commented on. Also, my mother's comment was no different from cousin C's. But... But... but... you clearly see what's wrong in all of this, right?

I ended up deleting the post.

See, the problem is I have a lot of older relatives, colleagues on Fb whose friend requests I had to accept to avoid being rude. But now, I need to somehow block them to protect my privacy. All my photos are 'Me only' but I also need some kind of setting to make sure they cant read status messages and the like. Any suggestions?

Anyway, coming to the reason behind the desire to rant...

Krum and I hit an all time low recently. Wont bore you with details but suffice it to say that things were pretty fucked up these last few weeks and him being on the other side of the continent, isn't helping.

I felt alone and angry and confused and was fighting with all kinds of feelings and forcing myself not to have a complete breakdown. In all this, I truly felt the distance between us. It was not just the physical distance, but somehow extended to a kind of emotional disconnect where it became difficult to let him know what was going on in my mind. There were times when I needed him desperately. To have him hold me, talk to me, distract me, just be there next to me. For several reasons, none of this happened. I wont blame him for all of it but to say that I dont blame him at all will be lying. I needed him to make that effort. I know I did.

I'm in a funny sort of place right now. Its no longer just anger or ego like it used to be when we initially started seeing each other. That somehow scares me.

Every relationship has its share of compromises but where do you draw the line?

There's just a certain point upto which you can overlook things to avoid confrontation. You can choose to ignore certain things but surely that must have a maximum point. Like a credit card. You can keep on piling on the credit but once you've maxed out..that's pretty much it as far as the card's concerned. Does this analogy make sense?

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Also, I'm tired to distracting myself.

I think I'll go bake a cake.

Dear God

Dear God,

I know how terribly busy You are so I'm going to keep this short and precise.

Please stop fucking with me.

I believe you are a logical Man and therefore I shall try and convince you to do as I say.

1. People have been hearing of your magnanimity for the last million or so years. Now, while I understand that you may bear some particular grudge against me and therefore find it imperative to think up innovative ways of screwing me over, I suggest you take time off to review Your situation. Am I worth risking Your reputation? How does it look for a guy like you to be so in-your-face in your hatred towards me? I suggest You try saying 'Om' every morning. It'll calm You down and soothe Your frayed nerves.

2. Frankly, it doesn't look very good on You to go out lock, stock and barrel after a human being. Its unfair and lacks sportsman spirit. You know You're going to win so why engage in this fruitless exercise? I have no qualms in admitting that You'd kick my butt a million times over so what say...Peace? Or if that's too much to ask for...then at least a pact to leave me be?

3. I know I'm not some paragon of virtue but seriously with the Ladens (o..but he's dead)..or the other bad terrorists, rapists, murderers, child molesters, of the world capering around all over the place, how could You single me out as the object of Your screwing? This is NOT a rhetorical question. I really do want to know. What distinguishes me?

4. If this is some sort of Divine Retribution for something I did in a previous life, then let me tell You this is plain stupid, even by human standards. You HAVE to at least tell me what You're punishing me for. Otherwise, I'll just make the same mistake in this life and again You'll give me the shaft in my next life. It's just a vicious cycle. Like that Sisyphus dude. I need to know a way out. Help me to help You.

Well, that's about all I had to say. If You have a shred of honesty in You, then You'll admit that I never ask You for anything unreasonable. My last request I believe is very small and quite grant-able.

So Please Stop Fucking with Me.

Looking forward to your kind cooperation.

Yours Respectfully,

P