Dear God

Dear God,

I know how terribly busy You are so I'm going to keep this short and precise.

Please stop fucking with me.

I believe you are a logical Man and therefore I shall try and convince you to do as I say.

1. People have been hearing of your magnanimity for the last million or so years. Now, while I understand that you may bear some particular grudge against me and therefore find it imperative to think up innovative ways of screwing me over, I suggest you take time off to review Your situation. Am I worth risking Your reputation? How does it look for a guy like you to be so in-your-face in your hatred towards me? I suggest You try saying 'Om' every morning. It'll calm You down and soothe Your frayed nerves.

2. Frankly, it doesn't look very good on You to go out lock, stock and barrel after a human being. Its unfair and lacks sportsman spirit. You know You're going to win so why engage in this fruitless exercise? I have no qualms in admitting that You'd kick my butt a million times over so what say...Peace? Or if that's too much to ask for...then at least a pact to leave me be?

3. I know I'm not some paragon of virtue but seriously with the Ladens (o..but he's dead)..or the other bad terrorists, rapists, murderers, child molesters, of the world capering around all over the place, how could You single me out as the object of Your screwing? This is NOT a rhetorical question. I really do want to know. What distinguishes me?

4. If this is some sort of Divine Retribution for something I did in a previous life, then let me tell You this is plain stupid, even by human standards. You HAVE to at least tell me what You're punishing me for. Otherwise, I'll just make the same mistake in this life and again You'll give me the shaft in my next life. It's just a vicious cycle. Like that Sisyphus dude. I need to know a way out. Help me to help You.

Well, that's about all I had to say. If You have a shred of honesty in You, then You'll admit that I never ask You for anything unreasonable. My last request I believe is very small and quite grant-able.

So Please Stop Fucking with Me.

Looking forward to your kind cooperation.

Yours Respectfully,

P